My One Resolution for 2012

I've hesitated in writing about my resolutions for the New Year, mostly because I found myself at a loss for any real resolutions for 2012. However, I do always find it interesting to review the types of resolutions I felt were important at this time a year ago.

Here is last year's blog post: Resolutions for 2011

So, how did I do? Well, pretty damn average. Obviously, I chose these particular resolutions last year because they are a list of items that I regularly struggle with...expectations, forgiving and forgetting, letting go, and the grasp technology has on my life. Now, if I was to rate my approval on my last resolution about champagne and headbands, well, in that resolution, I did a stellar job (as evidenced from the picture above). Here's the thing, there were times in the past year I was successful at every single item on this list. There were other times I did a banged-up job of trying to accept that expectations of others can be tricky. Hell, I'm writing this on the second day of the new year and I'm struggling with that already. And so, that is the thing with resolutions, we always pick the things that are the most difficult for us, the things we feel like we need to improve on. Maybe I'm just tired of all the need for improvement, all the self reflection on our faults. And in light of that, I propose only one resolution for this year...

1. To not change one single thing. 


No, no, I'm not saying I'm perfect, but rather I'm saying, I don't want to make this list this year. I don't want to write about how I want to travel more or how I want to be more kind to my friends and family or how I want to exercise more...because, well, I'm generally happy. I'm doing the things I want to do in my life. I'm surrounded by fantastic friends and family. I don't collect regrets. I don't postpone saying what I want, sometimes at the chagrin of my friends. While 2011 was a rough year for me, there isn't one single moment I'd want to change. Of course, I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek here with my resolution, but there you have it. I'm going to continue to be reckless at times and apprehensive at other times. I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm going to just be myself.

Here's a video to accompany by the lovely Ezra Furman and The Harpoons.

And on another note...(and inside joke)...Resolutions are meant to be broken, just like traditions. And I'm sure if the data exists, we'd find that most people break their resolutions in the first few days into the new year. Just sayin'.

2011: A Year of Facebook Status Updates

Last year, I decided to review my year by scrolling through the year of Facebook status updates...and it was so incredibly fun (at least for me), I've decided to post them again this year. So, here you go, enjoy, my friends...

January 2011


"No, really, Michelle, I want to marry a vineyard."

"Every time I drink, I become more philosophical. I become Yoda." -Michelle Mansour

"Uh oh. I have a crush on Jesus."

"...is en route to the pansy dance party with Erin, Ashley, Michelle, and Arthur. Wooly! Wooly!"

February 2011


"...is wearing invisible devil horns right now. Yeah, you heard me."

"From family dinner: "If I posted a song that said, "I hate you, (name of guilty party)", non-gendered pronoun would think...I think I'll do some reading...I think I'll go to a (unnamed activity)...I think I'll take a nap...I wonder how (name of innocent party) is...maybe I'll read again." Of course, this was all enhanced by the theatrical enactment of quote (with sound effects) by impartial observer."

"...is watching Bieber do anything for the first time."

"Carly Rush: "I feel really, really, really awkward right now." Katherine: "Yes, Carly, the smooth jazz is making me feel weird too."

"I don't eat meat, but I would rub bacon fat on my neck in a second if I thought...(yep, City House).

"Yep. Shut it down."

"To Ashley in conversation: "Oh my, my ears are so red right now. I think they are turning into horns."

March 2011


"...is driving my truck home for the last time...sniff, sniff."

""When things get murky, you tend to flee..." Yes. It is true. I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Tequila makes you smart." -Ashley. "Yes, see, tequila does make smart." -Michelle"

"Not like you didn't know already, but I have the best Nashville family ever."

"The Ace of Base was excellent skating rink music." -Brad

"Mike, Conor, Nate, Andy, and Time: Hide the baguettes and tequila, I'm on my way."

"...will never forget C-note's new dance move: The Juggler. Such a fantastic night."

"This is time-release Tanya." -Mi madre

"...is letting out a rebel yell."

"...is stuck between time zones and waves and wires...missing you already and tipsy in the airport."

"No, actually, its the Medalla in every picture that I find cute..." -Ashley (and maybe Katerina)

"Art and I are outside. If Shawn can come get us, that's cool."

"Waiter (now dubbed Giovanni): "Have you had heart?" Katherine: "No. In fact, I haven't."

"I just wanna bite on that arm like a corn on the cob."

"I find this particular line in my Spanish homework curious: I began to dance on the table."

"And...cue the clown music."

"Would rather be 1750 miles from here...on a beach with good friends."

"Us single ladies have to figure out how to light our own pilot lights." -Ashley, during the house walk thru

April 2011


"Bus quote of the day: "You dumb ignorant."

"I mean, who doesn't want someone to sprinkle a little mozzarella on them?"

"Weird...There is a red potato in my purse."

"And just like that...my truck is gone."

"Barry. Roger. Merlin. Jody. Wilfred. Egbert."

"...got shit on. Literally. By a bird."

"Opening line from student paper: "Men have penises, women have vaginas."

"...just ate a little bit of pork. First in five years."

"...is princess of the prairies...or something like that."

" "Here's to the biters!" -Ashley

"Relationships. That shit is hard." -Eric aka Mr. Autowash. It is true I live in the best neighborhood in Nashville. Noe only do complete strangers stop by to provide you with supplies to make you feel better, but they provide you with words of wisdom."

"You just need to turn the beautiful butterfly back into a drunk incompetent caterpillar."

"After licking clean Arnold's corn mustache, he says, "I know some Sting when I hear it."

"Pass the tea. Shut it down. Go fish. Take your pick. Annnnnddddd, scene. (Well, that was quick...)

May 2011


"Me, Ashley, Heidi Klum, and Seal, You know, a normal Friday after riding the bus."

"...is covered in not only my own sweat, but the seat of all the Archers fans."

"...is selling a life path I didn't take on eBay."

"If you are looking for trouble, just look right in my face."

"...just walked in the door from Memphis...and now in an hour, onwards to City House to meet an old Charlotte friend. I wonder if I should wear my TCB button?"

"In need of a Stop n' Stab margarita."

"Dance Party for one, outside of Augusta to Otis Redding's Shake."

June 2011


"I'm living all over you. Yep. You heard me. Reverse it."

"'Don't expect anything from me, unless I'm doing it.""

"Midnight swimming."

"...feels like jello. Jello del pollo."

""That's gonna open a whole bag of worms..."- Jennie Ann"

"...is a catfish."

"In town for merely 5.5 hours and I have a bad feeling that I accidentally stepped in it."

"I'm sort of love with my life lately, if you can't tell. The days pile up and I feel more and more fortunate to be surrounded by all these lovely people. Yep, I mean you. All. Of. You."

"Just passed a boat named, "Disorder-lee Conduct." Obviously, I have a new life goal  now."

"Mildred just narrowed her eyes at me, after noticing I was doing searches for 'preserving watermelon skin.'"

"I'm missing that dancing lil' biscuit right about now."

"Que lio, que lio, que lio. You have no idea."

""Oh my gawd, I just touched boobs..."- Art in reference to my basil perfuming

"Uh oh, here comes the murkiness...And I only know one way to deal with that. Run. Like. Hell."

"Having to explain this to my professors: Entrenchment."

"I don't know about his chow chow, but his gnocchi kicks your ass."

"My new name dubbed by Jeremy is: Messica."

"I wasn't ready for all this nature..."

"Mom: "So, what annoys you the most about him?" Me: (Silence). Mom: "Oh hell, that was too long of a pause."

"And then Carly said, "Don't worry, we can get him a unicorn mask..." No, that's not about you."

"Thanks to Art and Jeremy for a lovely evening out discussing...well all sorts of things. But in particular, thanks to Jeremy for giving me one of the most lovely and thoughtful and powerful gifts I've received in so so long. You both sure are some lovely parachutes."

"And it just stops as quick as it started."

"...will only be a classic fool for six more days...in case you were wondering..."

"Sometimes I move in reverse"

"Will be Buck Owens come with a bartender on the side?"

"Headphones."

July 2011


"On my new phone, I have the sound of incoming text messages as: "Suspense."  That sounds about right. Now, if could find a way to set the sound of outgoing text messages to "Shady."

"Best quote from last night: "I think somebody bit me."

"Literally has BBQ sauce under each fingernail."

"Like Art says, "Now, we are REALLY having fun."

"I wanna blow some shit up..." -Art

"It's a cornbread crumbles sort of situation...and it breaks my heart."

"Family dinner was excellent and hilarious. Favorite quote: "I wish I had 3 eyes so I could wear this mask.""

"This is harder than I thought."

""I'm pretty sure he has everything big..." best quote of the night."

"And if they let us share a room at rehab, we'd never get "better""

"Jorell just used the word 'ain't'...and then it got real, real awkward."

"Trust me, I'd turntable you, anytime, anywhere."

"Ashley: "I think we should move to Spain too..." Katherine: "And fall in love with everyone we meet.""

August 2011


"This is way too early to be navigating the streets, but worth it."

"Katherine to Ashley: "Well, I think you should treat yourself to a little promiscuity."

"It's all Jawbreaker."

"Bless Magaly for making brunch."

"It is clear. I'm in the wrong place."

"I'm taking a page from Michelle's book. Delete. Block. That gal is inspiring, I tell ya."

"I almost forgot the best quote of the night by Michelle: "Katherine wants to run the bases!""

"What if I just covered myself in basil?"

"The gloves are coming off. Place your bet."

September 2011


"Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to make bad decisions."

"Me: "Maybe its the way he smells?" Mom: "Does he smell like pork?""

"Infect me with your cream sauce." -Art's interpretation of Katy Perry

"Me (to Ashley): "You know what, I think I figured it out. He doesn't smell like pork, he smells like alcohol. Well that'd explain it."

"I don't want anything with a bone in it." -Me at Tayst

"I make the down and dirty cobbler." -Michelle at Tayst

"...is a classic fool, because I still believe. The vinyl tells me otherwise...and I should listen."

"All my fancy strikers are jerks." -Ashley

"I'm just waiting on the step, that's it. For now."

"I want to live inside this mofongo. Seriously."

"Quite mysteriously, I have a craving for Greek chocolates now...and all that implies."

"Michelle (about champagne): "It's like a hug."

"So.....Fall, we meet again."

"I'm still waiting for grand gestures, for some reason."

"Apparently, expectations are overrated."

October 2011


"Me to Carly: "He was as big as a lumberjack, wore only flannel, and smelled like a homeless man....(sigh). He was perfect.""

"Me to Michelle: "If any man could destroy me, it'd be him. Which is obviously why I like him.""

"Well, he is awfully cute. Compact. I could put him in my purse."

"Absinthe wisdom: Instead of rose petals, I'll leave tiny little pencils all over the bed. Que romantico."

"Days gettin' longer, nights gettin' colder."

November 2011


"Ecstatically happy today. Bring it, world."

December 2011


"I'm going to start drinking beer. It is on my to-do list." -Andrea

"And that's a reminder...."

"Weird. I just remembered that last night I had a dream (yes, in those 4 hours) about being on a MTA bus that repeatedly kept crashing. I'm pretty sure this is a metaphor for my experiences in dating."

"K: "They were all repeat offenders." J: "Hot." K: "No (censored)." J: "Oh, I thought you meant prison dudes."

"Where does he put the apostrophe?" -Carly"

"From now on, I shall be known as Shaky Swizzles Everhart."

"And then we started remembering our social security numbers....Wow. This party is really off the hook."

"Quote of the night: "I'd rather him bite me, than be nice to me."...holiday celebrating with the girls at City House"

"Because we might need one more quote to add to the year-end FB status blog post...Carly: "No more 3-for-1's this time." Oh how, I love late night phone conversations with Carly. Such a gem and incredibly insightful."

"And then Michelle and I did the Maniac flashdance in the living room."

"Quote of the year: "It's broken and beautiful, just like us." -Art in reference to a Christmas tree ornament

"Did I just get re-engaged? This has been one of those days..."

"And then I put my heart on my sleeve....before I boarded the plane."

"I quote my mother: "Heeeeeyyyyyyy." This was the most hilarious night ever I swear. I haven't had this much fun in a long, long time. I love my mama."

"Lesson learned: Your mama will steal your property when you are in the kitchen making a drink."

"It must be an Everhart thing. I have no self control." -Crystal

"It seems like most mornings these days, I wake up tangled up in a set of headphones. Its akin to Dylan's Tangled Up in Blue."

"A sociologist and economist got drunk in an airport bar."

"He's not sexual sorbet. He's sexual bacon. It seems like a really good idea, but then your heart hurts afterwards." -Andrea

"Let the Nashville malaise begin...."

Cheers Facebook Folks! And enjoy!

2011: A Year of Everything in Disguise

2011. Wow. You really did a number on me. Last night, I spent several hours trying to find a way to summarize the year as a whole, but the more and more I tried to write this blog, I was confounded by the year's lack of coherence, but well, what do I expect, there are a whole mess of days, weeks, and months in there. So, here you go....here are some of the things I remember the most about 2011...


1. All the time I spent with Ashley and Michelle this past year, whether sitting on the front stoop or sitting around my dining room table laughing/crying/drinking/talking, our champagne and absinthe nights at City House and Germantown Cafe, sitting outside on the Mexican beach contemplating on the deal breaker names of our unnamed crushes, night markets, discussions of basil, rosemary, arms like corn on the cob, mozzarella, and pork, becoming known as the headband girls, developing new words (Wooly!), and yes, even stealing red potatoes and attempted pigs.

2. My trip to Memphis with Ashley...and less of a highlight, but something that really impacted the year, having to bid adieu to Ashley as she began a new adventure in Cardiff.

3. The many new friends that I've welcomed into my life this year...particularly, Cassandra, Andrea, and Sam, but also all the wonderful folks I've met while sitting out on my front stoop-- like Red/Mr. Autowash.

4. Getting to spend time with the lovely Carly over our late night phone conversations, our visit to the Top Chef event (particularly eating pork for the first time in several years), successful and attempted Miraculous Miercoles, and our productive trips to Center Hill Lake (even when the hot tub was only lukewarm and it felt more like we were taking a bath together).

5.  Saying goodbye to my truck and learning public transportation.

6. Many, many great shows...such as Bright Eyes (with Mom and Kyle), Bright Eyes (with Art and Amada), Archers of Loaf (with Sammy), Wilco (with Erin B.), Flaming Lips (with Ashley), Justin Townes Earle and Jason Isbell (with Michelle), Justin Townes Earle (with mom and Brad), Gillian Welch, Aretha Franklin, and Elvis Costello.

7. My days and nights with Art and Jeremy...building funeral pyres, receiving the best flower bouquets ever, grilling out, drinking Stop n' Stab margaritas, twerking, family dinners, Halloween, the 4th of July, dancing to Mumford and Sons, and even crying to Bright Eyes.

8. The wedding celebration of my best friend Jennie Ann and Derek...every single moment of it, particularly our lovely Edisto evenings and our dinner at Husk.

9. My road trip with a watermelon named Mildred, while visiting great friends at every moment and seeing some of the greatest baseball games of my life.

10. A strange, but life changing, Memorial Day that led to an orange soda, that crazy month of June, headphones, cornbread, and cinderella. It still amazes me that even after six months, the headphones still get to me every single time.

11. A wonderful 4th of July celebration, before my departure to Puerto Rico, that started with a cook-out at Art and Jeremy's and ended with a late night fireworks display in front of my apartment.

12. All those beautiful, beautiful days with Michelle at the ballpark (with the ballplayers), but also our fantastic trip to Atlanta to finally see those Braves fellas.

13. Learning how to twerk at the Labor Day cook-out with some of my favorite people in this world.

14. My spring break and summer in Puerto Rico and sharing it with all those lovely folks that make life worth living....those lovely afternoon conversations with Magaly, "fighting" with Jorell, evenings of turntabling with Egie, late evenings spent in Rio Piedras listening to soul music accompanied by a long early morning walk home, brunches with the family and those crazy 3-eyed masks, and all the marvelous people that have helped me build my career.

15. Planning my first trip to Europe to visit Ashley and present my research in Spain.

16. All those long distance calls, texts, and chats with Amada.

17. The Occupy movement and getting to participate in protest in my own hometown.

18. My trip to NYC to visit with some old friends (Anton, Carlos, Noelia, and Sam) and to present my research for the first time in front of the smartest and coolest activists/colleagues I know.

19. Jawbreaker, Ezra Furman, Gillian Welch, Lucinda Williams, and Jaymay.

20. Holiday karaoke with my mom and incredibly competitive monopoly games with my family.

21. Nightswimming and dancing biscuits.

22. Bonfires, lots and lots of bonfires.

23. Fran's Eastside.

24. And because I should highlight my academic accomplishments, I passed my two special area exams, put together a dissertation committee, presented my research at a couple of conferences, got accepted to an international conference, submitted a couple of manuscripts for publication, and have maintained my passion for my research. Though, this year also meant saying goodbye to several incredible mentors as they moved away for other pursuits.

Outside of these highlights, as I'm sure there were many, many more. It was a year of expectations. It was a year of entrenchment. It was a year of bending, instead of breaking. It was a year of being a classic fool at times. It was a year of bad decisions. It was a year that reminded me that sometimes, just sometimes, it is okay to open ourselves up to the possibility, even if it means that in the end we find ourselves broken. Because when that happens, we often realize we have some of the best friends in the world who are standing there beside you to help pick you back up.  But more than anything, I've realized this year just how important it is for me to sometimes, just sometimes, relinquish control and let things happen.

Cheers to another year! Abrazos and besitos, mis panas!

Audífonos: 10th Annual Holiday Mix

Here it goes. I present you with....Audífonos, the 10th annual holiday mix for 2011. To celebrate a decade of holiday mixes, I plan to write another blog that revisits some of the older mixes, but for now, I hope you'll enjoy this one. As I've listened to it countless times in the last few weeks, it feels fragmented, disjointed, and confusing...but I suppose that speaks volumes about my past year. Below, I've written some about each song with some lyrics from the songs. And much further below that, you'll find the link to download the mix. You can download it as one large .zip file if you like or you can download it song at a time. I've also included a file with the track listing and of the photo for this year.

You might ask why I chose to name it Audífonos? It's because I hope, you'll download the mix, saddle up with a beverage of your choosing, put those headphones on, turn up the music, and take a little journey through my past year.

1. Temptation- New Order
Given the typical broodiness of my holiday mixes, I decided to start this one off with a little number to get you dancing. It will always remind me of dancing in Cafe 103 in Puerto Rico with some of the greatest friends I could ever ask for.

"Up, down, turn around 
Please don't let me hit the ground 
Tonight I think I'll walk alone 
I'll find my soul as I go home"


2. Gimmeakiss- The Avett Brothers
Yes, folks, we are still dancing.

"So gimme a chance, gimme a dance, gimme your hands
Give me just a little bit of your sweet romance
Just give me your hands
I know what they say about me
Hell, I started most of them rumors myself, you see
So give 'em to me"

3. Hits Me Like a Rock- CSS
I can't remember now how I first heard about CSS, but I do know they have been my soundtrack for walking to the bus stop countless times. I know what you are thinking...another dance song? Another song about love? It's been one hell of a year and I'm determined to end this one on a positive note. So, just put on your dancing shoes and enjoy.

"We don't care for what's wrong and what's not
I like to be with you and all of you of what's real
But then you say we always lose our edge
But baby, baby, is that too bad?
You know I like you a lot but
It still hits me like a rock"

4. Teenage Kicks- The Undertones
I've always loved this song as covered by Nouvelle Vague, but then found this version earlier this year...and I adore it.

"I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Have her over 'cause I'm all alone
I need excitement, oh I need it bad
And she's the best, I've ever had"

5. Little Bit- Lykke Li
I fell in love with Lykke Li last year, but I fell in love with this song over the summer while I was on my three week road-trip. I've had countless starts and stops over the course of the year in terms of dating and relationships. Somehow this song seemed to perfectly encapsulate that feeling of when you first meet someone, find them occupying your head at all times, but also the trepidation that comes with admitting your feelings. It's that lovely moment before, well, it generally all comes crashing down. Yeah, don't worry, the broody songs are coming soon.

"Hands down, I'm too proud for love
But with eyes shut, it's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B?
It can't be up to me, 'cause you don't know
Eye to eye, thigh to thigh, I let go"


6. Jes Excellent- Best Friends Forever
I was introduced to Best Friends Forever from my dear family/roommates in Puerto Rico, Magaly and Jorell. I'll always remember this song playing one morning this past summer when I awoke to discover Magaly and Jorell making a lovely Sunday brunch. Yep, this one is about all those starts and stops...and tons of lingering crushes.

"But it's too late now, to ask you if you want to go out
Because you probably have a girlfriend, all the guys I like have girlfriends
And besides we are too different, or that is what I have decided
But I wish that we had made out
So, that my feelings had been somewhat requited,
But hold on, I'm here for three months,
Maybe we could hang out once,
Maybe we could hang out all time,
I'm here for three months and I'm open to romance"


7. Long Walk to Never- Jaymay
I only recently discovered Jaymay. A number of her songs are featured in the movie HappyThankYouMorePlease, which if you haven't seen, please put it on your list. I'm pretty sure I've listened to almost nothing but Jaymay for the last two months. (Thank goodness for Spotify). I hope you'll fall in love with her too. Not to mention, how could I not love a song that mentions the Caribbean, Brooklyn, and London. But perhaps more than that, this one goes out to those fickle and shy boys that have traveled through my life this past year.

"You say you want me, but you never came to get me,
You never got me, and I hope you don't haunt me,
These dreams ever again"

8. Honey Won't You Let Me In- The Tallest Man on Earth
Who doesn't love The Tallest Man on Earth? How can you not love the way he says 'tambourine'? Just a beautiful song, as we transition in the mix.

"As I knock your door from inside once more
How I wish a soothin' breeze would let me in
Shake my tambourine at your glowing dreams
So, honey won't you let me in"

9. Midnight Blues- The Detroit Cobras
I remember an old friend introducing me to The Detroit Cobras years and years ago, but for some reason, it didn't really stick. During the summer in Puerto Rico, a group of us-- Magaly, Jorell, and Egie-- took a road trip to Aguadilla for a punk show. On the way, Magaly played The Detroit Cobras. In revisiting the work of The Detroit Cobras, I came across this song. And then, I heard these lyrics...and well, they were perfect.

"I just can't help but feel a little bit shamed
Every time I hear you calling my name
I'm blaming you for all the bad things I've done
Still I will admit that every once in a while, it was fun"

10. Slippin' and Slidin'- Justin Townes Earle
If you don't know how I plan to make Justin Townes Earle my first husband, then we obviously are not very close friends or even, distant Facebook friends. Yes, I said first husband, although I'm getting a late start, I fully intend to marry several times. Several.  But back to JTE. I suggest you go now and download everything he has put out, then I suggest you stalk his webpage for his tour dates and then buy yourself a ticket to a show. I suppose if I was going to make a mix with only one song, it would be this one. Yes, this is my number one song of the year. But why? Gosh, for several reasons that I won't go into right  now, but let's just say this, in several arenas in my life, this song resonates. Plus, the video for this song is stellar in my opinion. You can watch it here. And if you want to watch a hilarious bit of JTE, check it here. Yes, I'm in love.

"Darling I just need a little company
Ain't seen the sunrise since I don't know when
Days getting longer, nights getting cold
Slippin' and slidin', feelin' low"

11. You Can Tell Me All Night Long- Bill Fox
I don't really know much about Bill Fox. Jennie Ann and Derek introduced me to his music a few years ago. It just feels good, though, we've now officially made it to the broody section of the mix. Welcome. Take off those dancing shoes, pour yourself a drink, and let the entrenchment wash over you. Plus he says 'thrice' in it and I love any song with the word 'thrice' in it.

"The day will disappear, but I will still be here
And you can tell me all night long...
Thought I knew just what to do
Guess I'm just not that smart
Because I've told you twice before
You are bound to break my heart"

12. Never Gonna Make It Right- Korean Is Asian
Oh, Korean Is Asian, how I love thee. I first heard Korean Is Asian during my first week in Nashville, thanks to my good friend, Sammy. From the first note, I was hooked. Sadly, I didn't have any of their music until this past year, when they finally released an album that I could download. I also had the pleasure of getting to meet these wonderful folks at the end of last year, when they were kind enough to help out my friend Carlos with a music project he works on called Musica Realenga, based out of Puerto Rico. That wonderful October day, I got to help document their performance of two songs. You can read about the day and watch the two videos here. They are so very lovely. And perfect for those of you that are brokenhearted. Cheers.

"But you don't love me
We're never gonna make it right
But you give it all you have
We're never gonna make it right
But you give all you can
We're never gonna make it right...
Let it all go"

13. For Today- Jessica Lea Mayfield
My first husband, Justin Townes Earle, is the one to introduce me to Jessica Lea Mayfield. Okay, okay, sort of. Well, he had posted something on his Twitter account about this artist, so I took his advice and checked it out. She is quite wonderful and I hope to get the chance in the near future to see her perform live. Here we are at the bottom of the broody barrel. Welcome.

"I was walking with your left-hand in my back pocket
And I stared at the sky while you kidded me
And you were running away, away from everything
And I stayed behind so you'd miss me
And all these words would sound so sweet
I could care less about you, care less about you
And I love the sound of you walking away
And I can see cleared and I'm getting closer
To finding out just who I am without you in the way
So hold me,
but only, 
for today"

14. Doomed Love Affair- Ezra Furman and the Harpoons
Another test of whether we are friends...you should know just how much I adore Ezra Furman and the Harpoons, yes every single one of them. But more specifically, the album-- Mysterious Power-- they released this summer, blew my mind. This song, Doomed Love Affair, was actually released during the fall. The album will always be those warm days of June and July, while this song is about the moments I started to pick up the pieces from the summer, as it perfectly captures how it feels after all the dust has settled, but things still haven't quite ended.

"Fluorescent shopping malls at night
And I miss your 3am phone calls
Since you've left, I left broken glass on the floor
And I've cut myself
And the blood just knows how to get through the veins to the heart
And so it goes
It all seem preordained from the start
Love disappears in the wind like smoke
My room is a mess and the mirror broke
I shouldn't have dragged you into this doomed love affair"


15. Ever Fallen In Love?- Buzzcocks
Well, if you've had a doomed love affair, you've probably also fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with, right? In lieu of lyrics, just listen.

16. Baby Please- Kyle Forester
I came across Kyle Forester while watching the film, Breaking Upwards, which also is one to add to your list. I simply love the desperation in his voice....and who doesn't love a song where the artist stops and simply talks?

"Baby baby baby you rock my world..."

17. Where I Found You- Future Islands
I'll be honest, I don't really know anything about the Future Islands. I've actually only recently discovered this song and felt enamored with the music and the lyrics. So, in the timeline of the mix, we've had the doomed love affair, then we realized we shouldn't have fallen in love with the person, then we proceeded to beg...then this song is the memory. Damn those memories.

"I remember your smile
The smell of your skin
The way that you walked and laughed...
Look back
Hold on to the last
Don't let today push out the past"

18. Heart Skipped a Beat- The xx
Again, I'll admit, I don't really know anything about The xx. I've enjoyed several of their songs, but haven't really invested much in discovering more. This is my attempt at bringing the mix slightly back up before I sign off.


"No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me
Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it
You were out of reach"


19. Wagon Wheel- Old Crow Medicine Show

Given my desire to think about memories and music, this song is filled with memories. When I hear it, I think of the first time my dear friend Art played it for me on our trip to Louisville to see the Bright Eyes boys. I also think of my road trip this past summer, where I drove through the places in the song. In particular, it reminds me of when I drove straight down the coast to see a handsome fella. I also think of the Labor Day cook-out from this past year, when everyone learned about twerking and I regretted opening back up a past situation. I think of the places in North Carolina I haven't been in years. I think of the conversation I had with Art and Jeremy about reclaiming the South. I think about the night I met three people at the Wilco show and ended up at Tootsies dancing to this song with them late in the evening. It's the South.

"I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight"

20. Tragic Music- A Radio With Guts
I have Egie to thank for introducing me to A Radio With Guts over this summer via our many, many nights together on turntable.com. If I'm correct, I learned of this band because they do a fantastic cover of Jawbreaker's Kiss the Bottle, which we-- me, Egie, and Jorell-- listened to countless times this past summer. And like any good broody music junkie, this song rocks it.

"Beat.
Beat Heart
Beat Heart Sweet
Beat Heart Sweet Stereo
I'm going to fall apart
Beat
Beat Heart
Beat Heart Sweet
Beat Heart Sweet Stereo
I'm going to break your heart"

21. One May Die So Lonely- Jaymay
Yes, one more Jaymay song for you. Yes, I told you, I've been pretty obsessed.

"Remind me again, just what you were saying 
When you walked in the room and the music was playing
When I was lost too, but in my own thoughts
And I could not find you
Tell me your story, I'm listening this time
I can get us some glasses and a bottle of wine...
Your lost and let's face it, I think we both lost it a little bit..
And this song ends here, because you are really really weird
And we haven't said a word in over a year
It just gives me hope, like music is a rope to hold you right here..."


So, there you have it. The 2011 holiday mix. I hope you enjoy it. Here is the link where you can download it below.

The Mediafire link and you can also stream it on Spotify, as I've published it on my account.

Monday after Thanksgiving...

It was eleven years ago today that I last saw my dad. Sunday after Thanksgiving, back in 2000, I received the phone call that my dad was in the hospital. His illness, multiple sclerosis, had seemingly taken the last turn. They didn't expect him to leave the hospital, alive. My family informed me that if I wanted to see him, now was the time. So, on that Monday, my mom and I packed up the car and drove down to Georgia to see him in the hospital. And I can still remember all the details of the day...the music we listened to in the car on the way down, the way he looked when I saw him from the door of the hospital room, and the conversation we had. Now, I don't intend to get into all of this here, as I've written about in the past in my old zines and the like. The day after I visited, he seemed to show incredible improvement. He left the hospital. I planned to visit him for Christmas. It would be an exactly one week before I received the phone call that he had died, on December 2, 2000.

Honestly, I haven't a clue why or what I wanted to write about it in this post. I suppose I wanted to share this picture of him. I wanted to share the memory of him with you. I wanted to share the fact that on this Monday, I always spend some time thinking of him, remembering that day in the hospital-- all the forgiveness, acceptance, and picking of the pieces that it entailed. Or perhaps that every loss entails. I wanted to share that every year on this day, I listen to The Good Life's Album, "Novena On A Noctourne," because this was the album my mom and I listened to on repeat for the entire four hour drive down and four hour drive back. Maybe, I just wanted to take a cliched moment to remember what it feels like to lose people we love and care about. Like I said, I'm not really sure.

But I do know that I miss him tonight. I can't help but wonder what he might be like if he was still alive or what we might talk about if I had called him on his 53rd birthday back in early November. But because he loved music so, I'm just going to post this song and remember how I promised him I'd buy him a stereo for Christmas.

When I was home for Thanksgiving, the older of my two younger brothers said to me, "How do some people just not like music? How can they just say, 'No, I don't listen to music.'" I suppose the things I remember the most about my dad are his plaid shirts, his cowboys boots, his Wrangler jeans, his love of Miller Lite, and well, his intense love of music. I don't think there was a single moment we were together that we didn't listen to music.

So, here you go, a song to pass the time, a song to remember with...



"I can feel a winter coming we're frozen in our stares,
and we know there's a world outside
of these insults and injuries
maybe we're just too, afraid to be one.
The autumn sets a golden exit the winter is waxing
that cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms,
where we dream our dreams, where we wait for sleep.
Maybe we'll wake up with golden wings,
and fly over a city screaming, take me take me!" -The Good Life

Another indication of....

As some of you may be aware, Carly and I take a bi-annual retreat to the mountains of Tennessee. We pack the car full of books, journal articles, our computers, iPods, tasks...right next to, wine (lots of wine), food, several pairs of pajamas, and a bathing suit. We drive about an hour and half east of Nashville to Center Hill Lake, where we spend three to four days/nights, being more productive than we generally ever are at home. And by more productive, we cast a wide net. We are productive not only with our work, but also with meals (hell, I think this is the only time in my entire year that I eat three meals a day), laughter, and our own particular style of restoration. Every trip comes with its own challenges, either those that follow us from Nashville that we come here to shed or those that we find while here at Center Hill. But regardless, when we make it to our last night (and final supper), I ALWAYS feel restored. I don't know if it is the incredibly infectious laugh of Carly or if it is the putting my phone in "Airplane Mode" for a majority of the trip or rather if it is the sound of the wind that moves through the trees, but this time, the trip came at the absolute perfect time for me.

See, I've been in another one of my classic funks lately. In a trite and cliche way, a la Carrie in her Mexi-coma, I wondered to myself, "Will I ever laugh again?" The world felt heavy. I felt the effort of "having to force a smile." Yes, I'm trafficking in obscure references and lyrics here, but regardless, I haven't been myself for the last month. Unfortunately, it has led to unfortunate consequences in many of my personal relationships, but alas, I knew, one day soon, I'd pull myself out. It always just takes me some time. Yes, Jay, I do, in fact, get dark sometimes. Yes, Joel, the clouds were in my head, right between my eyes. A few days before our trip, I started to feel a turning point. And then, the night before our trip, Carly invited me to join her for the Straight No Chaser show at The Ryman. I went, because, well, when your friend calls you and tells you that have a free ticket for a show, you go. Because, well, I understand what it is like to always have a free ticket...or rather, a plus one to share.

As the show started, I started laughing uncontrollably. And yes, I knew then, I would laugh again. When something was really, really, really funny...like me attending the Straight No Chaser show-- and even getting a little tipsy while there. And so, the trip began, after a brief detour at the Culture workshop on Friday morning. So, let it begin....

Here is an account of some of the top moments of the trip:

1. The symbolic beginning with a goodbye and the purchase of a helluva lot of wine.

2. A not-so-symbolic near-death experience, where Carly says to me as we barrel down a mountain in her car, "I don't have any brakes. Seriously." (Don't worry folks, while this traumatic experience stayed with us for hours, we learned the car shut off, it acted like it had no gas, but apparently, it was just "playing possum." Wish us luck tomorrow on the journey home).

3. A far less symbolic spider cricket in the shower of our cabin. Yes, a spider cricket. I think we all know how I feel about these. We sprayed it with bug spray, until Carly screamed, "But he isn't dying!" and I grabbed a broom to put the now drenched spider cricket out of his misery. Carly disposed of him. I couldn't get that close, even post-mortem.

4. Carly's insanely wonderful chicken with verde salsa and our first dinner a la Mexican (to pay tribute to our Miraculous Miercoles weekly dates).

5. Lots and lots of wine accompanied by a viewing of Happy Thank You More Please (in the complete darkness, so when we both started bawling, it would be in the dark.) And then, an analysis of the movie. Wait, this might be as complicated (and simple) as the Swidler vs. Alexander issue...

6. My recognition that I am my mother's daughter, when it was merely 50 degrees outside and I was decked out in a winter coat, winter hat, and scarf just to go outside for a few moments.

7. The chainsaw/leaf blower incident.

8. A discussion of internet dating sites, particularly describing the perfect attributes in which to outline on my profile. While I try to find a crafty way to convey our discussion that lacks a certain amount of crudeness...I think I'll stick with an equation--- age x whiskey= no measurable difference from pre-test to post-test.

9. The hot tub fiasco. The fact it would only heat up 1 degree every 30 minutes. The decision to spend an hour talking in the hot tub, which basically was a warm tub during the sunset, while drinking a beer. It was quite delightful, despite the bugs, the leaves, and the lukewarm temperature.

10. Sunday, November 13th should always be celebrated as "the day Carly killed a scorpion." No, I'm not kidding. In the basement here, there was a scorpion. It stopped me in my tracks. I have never seen a scorpion. And while I was fascinated by the significance of a scorpion crossing my path, when its little tail pulled back ready to sting me, I couldn't move. Luckily, Carly came to my rescue. She dropped the bag of trash on it. And then after we had injured the scorpion, I used a stick to push it down the driveway. I hope I don't see that mother tomorrow. Better yet was when Carly revealed to me that her original image of what might be in the basement when I screamed, "Holy shit there is a scorpion!" was more the size of a lobster than the size of a quarter that she discovered. Yes, sometimes, we switch up our gender roles in interesting ways.

11. Given my dissatisfaction with the hot tub, I took the world's hottest bath, complete with a glass of wine and a guidebook of Wales.

12. Carly saying to me, "Okay, Lucifer. It's like 100 degrees in here."

13. Having lunch on the screened-in back porch, in some beautiful fall weather.

14. Grilling out steaks for my first time on a grill, accompanied by grilled corn and baked potatoes...all of which I successfully caught on fire while grilling.

15. Our final supper tonight, while listening to the mix we have prepared that follows in 8track.com form.

16. The crematorium (pictures to follow).


While these are 16 of my favorite highlights from the trip....there is no substitute for the laughter and conversations that we had. This weekend was a transition. Today, I sat out on the front porch of our cabin, listening to the sounds of the wind moving through the trees and leaves, and I smiled. That's it. I smiled, without effort, for the first time in several weeks.

And with that, we've prepared you an 8-track mix to convey some of what we brought into this weekend, our experiences over the weekend, and what we plan to leave the weekend with...here you go.

My contributions:

1. Doomed Love Affair-- Ezra Furman & The Harpoons

Apparently this song was recorded at the same time as the last album. I fucking love it. And I think it is rather perfect that it was released at this precise time. I needed to transition from Wild Rosemarie to Doomed Love Affair. Thank you fellas.

2. You'd Rather Run--Jay May

We discovered JayMay while watching Happy Thank You More Please. "And it's not that I hate you, I never loved you enough to hate you. To get even or mad so as not to seem sad, just seems ungrateful. 'Cause really, I am thankful I'm sad. Maybe we're the same unabashed and unashamed. Then again, I don't know where you came from..."

3. Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of- U2

Today, I decided to listen to All Song's Considered radio. This came on. It fit. My song to myself. It was Sunday. It was the day to pick it all up and start again.

4. Blue Skies Again-- Jessica Lea Mayfield

Yep, today, I looked over and the tree next to me looked to be far more colorful than it had merely two days before...and I realized, the sky looked blue again. Finally. Finally. Finally.

Carly's contributions:

1. Tainted Love-- Straight No Chaser

The song that began it all, meaningful to us both.

2. Helplessness Blues-- Fleet Foxes

The musical version of white girl problems.


3. Awake My Soul-- Mumford & Sons

This one is everything, my whole weekend. Letting go, loving freely, living honestly. "My weakness I feel I must finally show...Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see...In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, where you invest your love, you invest your life."


4. Reach Out I'll Be There-- The Four Tops

This was from our discussion of Happy Thank You More Please and what it means to go out and "get yourself loved." And how we decided this doesn't always mean from a man, but rather can be from friends. So, this one is symbolic of our own relationship...and these beautiful weekends in the mountains.





Pictures, of yellow leaves, wine bottles, and dinners to arrive shortly.

Abrazos,
Katherine and Carly

48 hours and Aretha

Yes, yes, it is true. I'm taking a Facebook hiatus. There are a million reasons why and I don't intend to get into them here, but it was necessary. Briefly, it began with Miranda July's film and transitioned into too much wasted time. I've spent the last few days explaining to my close friends-- aka the people that haven't already blocked me on FB and actually look forward to my posts-- what made me "decide to drop out of life" (Woody Allen reference for those who don't know). It's complicated, but the essence of the decision was....I'm tired. I want the quiet of not knowing EVERYTHING that happens with everyone. And perhaps the most important reason is that I wanted to try an obstruction.

A few years ago, I watched a film called "The Five Obstructions." You can look it up, as I don't intend to give you all the details. But nevertheless, it made me begin to think about how our lives might change when some type of obstruction is placed in front of ourselves. For example, several years ago, I stopped eating meat. I had some objections to the treatment of animals, but I was mostly curious about what life might be like without centering my meals around eating meat. When I moved to Nashville, there wasn't room to bring my 1980's microwave with me, so I decided, I won't have one. I wonder what life will be like without a microwave. These "obstructions" might seem insignificant, but when you've grown use to having these sort of things in your life...and you remove them, you find all sorts of things happen that you didn't expect.

So, approximately (acerca de) 48 hours ago, I decided...to deactivate my Facebook account. I can't tell you how long I will engage in this experiment, though I have considered going 30 days. But I don't know, yet. I might decide tomorrow I want to re-activate my account. But I can tell you this much...the last 48 hours have actually been quite fantastic...and well, tragic and isolating at the same time.

I don't want to go into the details yet....as I've been writing in my journal (holy shit, yes, not having FB has made me write in my journal several times a day....who knew?) and I plan to write about the experiences of being FB-less at a later time on this blog.

But more importantly....tonight, I had the chance (well, after paying about $100) to see Aretha Franklin perform at the Ryman. When I was back in Puerto Rico and I heard she was playing...I thought to myself-- this might be the last time AND how many chances do you have to see Aretha, the Queen of Soul, play in a venue like the Ryman. So, I shelled out the cash.

Throughout the night, I had so many conflicted emotions. Upon arrival to the Ryman, I found myself completely frustrated. The Ryman seemed like a different venue than I was use to. The gift shop was open. They kept repeating over the loud speakers about how to get to your seat. And all the while, as I tried to buy a beer in the world's shortest beer line at a concert, I was confronted with hundreds of "older" folks who stood in the middle of the floor anxiously looking at their tickets trying to figure out, "just what in the world was going on here at this venue."

By the way, over the loud speaker they kept repeating, "You can take your drinks into the auditorium, but you can't spill them." I've NEVER heard this at any of the other rock shows I've attended. And I should mention, I've NEVER witnessed anyone ever spilling their drinks...which happened tonight. Apparently, when you trespass into your 50's, you can't really hold (literally and figuratively) your alcohol.

Before the show began, I became incredibly broody. This might have been due to the fact that the show was scheduled to begin at 7:30, but actually started at 8:30. Trust me, the 50-year olds noticed. But for me, I started looking around, while waiting for the show. I started wondering...Is that me in 15 years? Is this how I'll behave at a rock show? And then, finding the obvious outcasts in the audience and I felt some sense of comfort and discomfort that I'll more than likely be them.

One hour into the suggested start of the show (which illustrates how I quickly adapted to their mindset, as no rock show ever starts on time), I started regretting my purchase. I wondered if I could just take a cab home.

And then....

She came out.

There was Aretha. Chills. Excitement. I put my hand to my mouth and looked over to notice the fella next to me had done the same. We were spellbound by her sheer appearance on the stage. Hell, she could have just stood there without singing and I probably would have been starstruck.

But why?

Well, Aretha probably means so much to anyone you ask. I tried to remember the first song I ever heard by her and more specifically, what song it was that I fell in love with. Because, well jeez, I'm sort of a hipster, so there is no way it could have been RESPECT...but I don't remember now. I do know this, when she sang "Think," I almost danced out of my pants. And while the show continued, I even found myself cheering for God...yes, believe it or not, I danced to gospel music.

She did some covers...Curtis Mayfield, Simon and Garfunkel.

And yes, I cried. Several times. I'm not sure if it was the sheer beauty of her voice or if it was hearing live her sing the songs I've spent numerous days dancing across my living room floor or if it is the memories I remember connected to the songs...or if I'm just going through a difficult time right now and I was moved. Yes, Aretha moved me.

As the show ended, I found my way to an individual I found in the crowd earlier that evening. There was something about him that captivated me. Yes, those are exactly the words I told him. He had this fantastic shock of white hair, glasses like John Lennon, a huge coat with fur, and his enthusiasm for Aretha caught my attention well before she ever entered the stage. My new friend, Jobim is moving to California from Nashville tomorrow...but the short conversation we had before I left the venue was fantastic.

Yes, I heart Aretha...and I'm going to work on writing something about a memory I have attached to one of her songs...but in the mean time, I realized that by deactivating myself from FB...I was able to enjoy and listen to the show in a way I might not have previously. Instead of attempting to document the show or check in or post about the show, I just let the show happen. I found myself talking to more of the people around me, instead of quickly picking up my phone to fill the quiet spaces in between.

I don't know what that means...but I do know that the last 48 hours have been quiet and relaxing. I don't know what my other options are for getting the information that I actually need for my research and the like, but I do know that for now, I'm enjoying not knowing what you are doing every moment, unless you tell me.

More Adventurous...

"It's only doubts, that we're counting on fingers broken long ago. I read with every broken heart, we become more adventurous." -Rilo Kiley

Today, I received word that Ashley, one of my best friends, had arrived in Wales to begin a new adventure of both graduate school and living abroad. I've been considering for some time writing a blog about adventures and leaving home. And I've discussed with my friends at El Cassette Grabao about collaborating regarding our top songs that remind us of leaving home. So, perhaps this blog will be the beginning of our collaboration. (Ashley and I have included our portion of the collaboration at the end of this blog post...with videos of the songs we have chosen...)

The picture above is from the Claridad Festival in Puerto Rico from late February 2009. It was my first trip to Puerto Rico (with my best friend Jennie Ann). It was my first exposure to the cultural and political environment in Puerto Rico that would capture my attention and ultimately lead to my dissertation research...and hopefully a book in the next few years.

Since February 2009, I've traveled to Puerto Rico several times. If I sat down and counted I could give you the exact number...it is somewhere close to 7 or 8 or 9, but that is the thing, I've been there so many times that I'm not sure exactly how many anymore. But my love affair with the island is not the point of the blog.

Rather, I'm hoping to talk about the sense of fear and excitement that accompanies new adventures. When I moved to Puerto Rico last summer for six weeks for my very first research trip in the field, I was filled with contradictory feelings. I was scared. I was nervous. I was excited. I couldn't wait to arrive. And these are the kinds of feelings that seem to accompany every new adventure.

Sure, leaving home and going somewhere new for any length of time is scary. Actually, I'm pretty sure that more people don't go on these types of adventures because, well, they take you out of your element. They take you away from everything you've ever known, particularly when you are traveling far away, somewhere unfamiliar, like to a new country...as many of my friends have done this past month. Granted, six weeks in Puerto Rico is hardly the same as moving for a year or indefinitely to a new country, but I'd like to think that my adventures in the summer of 2010 and 2011 give me some insight into the feelings that my friends are currently experiencing.

The other thing about adventures is that despite the fear encountered in embarking on a new place...you get to experience something new. Every corner you discover something you've not encountered before. Every day brings something unknown. And little by little, you carve your corner in this new world, but the experience of trying it all for the first time...well, what can I say, it's like the first time, whether it is a first kiss or the first time you admit you care about someone.

You might be afraid, but you jump into those unknown waters and you do it. Why? Because you must. Ashley and I have discussed countless times the need we both feel to take these adventures, to leave home, to discover other places, to meet new people, and then, even, to return to people we've known for years and recount the experiences we've had.

And so, it is with all the fear and trepidation and excitement and adventures that I've had my past two summers in Puerto Rico (and hopefully, for a full year in 2012), that I send a cheers (saludos) to my dear friends that have embarked on these new adventures and journeys. The ones that have left everything they've known behind to do something different. To try something new. To do something they feel they must... because to not do it, well, that'd just feel wrong.

So this is a cheers to Carlos, Orlando, Sam, Jennie Ann, and Ashley...my five close friends who have all moved in the past month to embark on a new journey and adventure in a new place...I'm so proud of all of you, for the guts it takes to uproot yourself from the place you've called "home" to do something new. May your adventures be grand and full of trepidation and excitement.

The idea that Orlando (of El Cassette Grabao) and I had about our collaboration was to list our top five songs that reminded us of leaving home or taking new adventures. I'm going to publish them here, along with Ashley's top five...so that we can begin the collaboration between our blogs.

I'm counting down the days until my next adventure...




-------------------------------------------------------

For Orlando and Juanluis of El Cassette Grabao...(I wrote this before I left this summer...)


When I first started thinking about collaborating with Orlando on this particular blog post, the idea occurred to me when he told me about moving for graduate school and I thought about Ashley my best friend here in Nashville, Tennessee, who is also moving from Nashville to Cardiff, Wales for graduate school in September. I thought about how during these times of massive transition, we often turn to music to remind us of the people and places we leave behind when we move from place to place. Not only do we find ourselves saying personal goodbyes, but in our last remaining days in a city or town, we walk through its streets noting to ourselves, “This is the last time I’ll walk down this street” or maybe more appropriate for myself, “This is the last time I’ll buy beer from this store where I’ve made friends with the people who own it.” And then months later, as we find ourselves in a new place, surrounded by unfamiliarity, we turn to the music...to remind ourselves of how it felt to be in that place, for that time, with those people.

Although I’m only leaving Nashville for the next weeks to stay in San Juan, I thought it would be interesting to bring together two different people that I both know who are saying goodbye to a place they’ve both lived for many, many years. Orlando will leave San Juan and Ashley will leave Nashville. They will uproot from what they’ve known for years and travel onwards to new adventures. That being said, I’ve had to say goodbye to many places in the past. I’ve moved from Charlotte, North Carolina to Asheville, North Carolina to Boone, North Carolina to Asheville (again), and Charlotte (again), then onwards to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and finally here to Nashville. For each there are songs that will always remind me of the people and places of those time periods…and so here you go, my five songs about leaving things behind…and moving forward to something new.

1.Crazy- Patsy Cline

My first move was from my hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina to Asheville, North Carolina to start college. That first night was one of the most difficult. I had never left home before. I was sharing a dorm room suite with three other girls—Allison, Misty, and Tori. That first night was spent unpacking, opening letters that my best friends and family from home gave me after they helped me move in, and too many tears. In a moment of loneliness and loss of our homes and families and friends, the four of us gathered in a room and realized we all had one thing in common—our love of Patsy Cline. And for the next couple of hours, we listened to Patsy Cline on repeat, while we told stories of all that we left behind.



2.Misunderstood- Wilco

When I left Asheville after two years of college, I was ready to leave. I didn’t venture far—only two hours away into the mountains of North Carolina, but my time in Asheville was always marked by the feeling expressed in this song. The leaving and the returning to Asheville, the complications of life and love, and the sheer feeling of wanting to scream at the top of my lungs—“I want to thank you all for nothing, I want to thank you all for nothing at all.”




3.South of the South- David Dondero

Dondero is one of my favorite musicians of all time. He is an old friend from when I was in college; however, it wasn’t until I lived in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina that I was able to meet up with him again. When I heard this song, I knew—it completely captured the southern states of the United States….the humidity, the screen doors, the coastlines. “My own sweats basting me, thunderstorms are chasing me.” Saying goodbye to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was probably one of the most difficult places I had to leave. I fell in love with the kitsch and the tourists and the ocean and the pink houses. It’s been three years since I’ve lived at the beach, but for those of you that have traveled the coast of the south—you know what I mean, it stays in you. It just never leaves. It will always be home, no matter how far you travel.




4.Nashville Moon- Magnolia Electric Co.

I haven’t left Nashville yet, at least not for long—six weeks last summer and again six weeks this summer. But every single time I leave for field research, I hear this song in my head. Because every time I leave, I think of all that I leave behind. In the last couple of years during my time in Nashville, I’ve felt a real sense of community—in my neighborhood and with my “Nashville” family. So, I know when the time comes to leave in a few days, I’ll miss all of it…and one day in the close future, I’ll be saying goodbye to Nashville forever. And now, with my friend Ashley leaving Nashville, I can’t help but also think of her, leaving behind everything she has known for years…but onwards, mi camarada for new adventures.



5.I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

Although there are places that I have obviously become attached to in my past, there are some folks—and I include myself in this—that don’t feel like they really belong anywhere. This past month, I took a road trip for almost two weeks, where I drove through many of the southern states of the United States. And during a ten hour drive through Alabama, I realized I often feel more at home on the road. I think there are just some of us that feel like we belong somewhere—but we aren’t quite sure where. In the past couple of years, I’ve started to feel that way about Puerto Rico. Although I only get to spend a couple of months there every year, it becomes increasingly more difficult to leave. And while I might not feel like I belong anywhere, I think rather the reverse is true, there are tons of places I belong—with all of my friends spread throughout the world, whether in Charlotte, North Carolina or Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, or San Juan, Puerto Rico.



One extra for the sense of "home" that we all long for...

6.Home- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

I think this one might reflect what I’ve expressed already in what I wrote about the Bright Eyes song—but I’ve been careful to think about how I define the word “home” lately. When I wrote recently on my Facebook that my home was on the road, he inquired, “What does home mean anyways?” And, again, I recognize, home is in the faces of my friends…wherever we all may be at the moment.



And here are Ashley's top five songs, though at the time, she didn't feel the need to expand on them, maybe now that she has arrived in Wales, she can add to her list...She referred to them as goodbye songs, so I'll let them speak for that...

1) Coldplay, "The Hardest Part"



2) U2, "Kite"



3) Amy MacDonald, "Mr Rock and Roll"



4) Duffy, "Rockferry"



5) Travis, "Closer"



6) Smokey Robinson, "Tears of a Clown"



--------------------

And now, I'm going to listen to all of Ashley's songs in the remaining hour of this Thursday night and think about all her great adventures to come....We look forward to the challenge of collaboration with Orlando and Carlos. Bring it. Dale!

Awkward/Cute Trifongo, Jawbreaker, Handsome Strangers, and Sunrise/Sunset Tears: Week 6 in Puerto Rico

As you know, my least favorite blog to write is always the last one from the summer...which is why I've hesitated until tonight. In addition, when I see the "Hasta Pronto" as I'm boarding the plan from San Juan, I always start to cry. This time, it had multiple meanings. Before I left this summer, I knew I'd be back as opposed to last summer, when I wasn't as sure. So in the days leading up to my departure, there was less sadness...as everyone knew I'd be back. But, my dear friend Ashley (from Nashville who is departing for Wales soon) told me before she left, she doesn't like saying goodbye, but prefers to say "see you soon." So, when I arrived at the departure gate and saw this....I realized the joy and sadness that accompanies the sentiment of "see you soon." Perhaps more importantly, I realized, some of my best friends are spread all throughout the world, but the kinds of relationships I've built with them...well, they are durable. I know despite our locations...I'll always see them again...and hopefully, I'll see them soon (Ashley, Magaly, Jorell, Eggie, Carlos...and the rest of you).

My last week on the island was quite fantastic. No, it was perfect. I found myself repeatedly explaining to people how painful it always is when I leave. I'm not sure I can explain it here. I'm not sure I want to. But I do know this...every single time I leave, I feel like I've left something behind. I feel like I leave a place I belong, which is rather odd. I'm not Puerto Rican. I have no "claim" to the island (at least in the traditional sense), but I do know that it is the place that I feel the most at home. It is the place I feel most like myself, despite struggling through conversations and the complications of being in a world you haven't spent most of your life...I don't know what it is...but for me, Puerto Rico is home. I have family there. I have friends there. I feel right there. And while, you might think I'm dialing in some melodrama here...I've considered more times than I'd like to admit in the last couple of days considering leaving graduate school and moving there. (Disclaimer: Don't worry mentors and the like, if you help me get there, I'll stay in the program, which should be taken as a threat...maybe).

I'll never be able to really explain it. And I actually don't care to do so...I know that when I'm sitting in a club/bar and I stand up to greet and embrace my friends on the island...or when I'm in the grocery store attempting to communicate about looking for a specific grocery item....or when I'm sitting at a party listening to a joke being told in Spanish and I'm carefully trying to translate...or when I happen upon some random individual who can talk with me for hours about my research...or when I watch the sunrise and sunset over the ocean...I know...I belong there. And it hits home with every text/message/email between me and my family when I realize my leaving doesn't just impact me...but we all feel it.

And so, without further ado...my last week on the island...

1. An early, exciting, and awkward morning awaking in Rio Piedras...then trying to navigate my way through the early morning streets of Santurce, drenched in sweat to arrive back home and attempt to sleep off the last several hours.

2. Proposing promiscuity/marriage to Ashley...and a life of freedom.

3. Making a southern meal for my family...homemade mac n' cheese, lima beans, green beans, cornbread, deviled eggs, and sweet tea. My absolute favorite part of the evening (and quite possibly the whole trip) was the hour I spent with Magaly, while I was cooking and we talked and laughed. That lovely lady is one of the best friends I have ever had. And then enjoying the meal all together.

4. A late night surprise visit to El Bar Bero with Carlos, Juanluis, Orlando...and the famous Sergio! It was a pleasure to meet Sergio...finally. I also enjoying getting to meet some of the bike crew in PR, particularly Jandy. And then drinking a bottle of something that looked akin to Pepto Bismol, but was really more like a Guava version of chichaito (#bad choice). The pictures are phenomenal.

5. Trying to get to Rebecca's birthday party in Old San Juan. Let's see...it started with me almost not attending. Then Eggie decided to go. Then Enrique didn't offer me a ride (Queeeeee?). Then Magaly asked me why I was speechless and we had a good talk. And finally I arrived.

6. Actually arriving at Rebecca's birthday party. The bands were rad. The venue was awesome. I didn't have a cupcake but they looked great. I got the chance to see my friend El Ochi (which I will always protect his first name). Late Night at the pizza place...meeting Milo and a ton of other Jawbreaker fans who took no offense to the fact that I played 10 dollars worth of Jawbreaker tunes on the jukebox.

7. A lazy Friday. Magaly made a delightful Tortilla de Espana (which I hadn't told her I had dreamed about the night before). We watched some episodes of Weeds and finally History of the World Part I....it might have only been better if we had not watched episodes of the aforementioned, but instead enjoyed some of the aforementioned and then watched the movie.

8. A Saturday afternoon in Old San Juan. While it was too crowded for my taste, I had the chance to meet a lovely fella from the student strikes in the 1970s...and then had the fortune of having trifongo at Fefo's and meeting Vity. I'm only sad I didn't get a chance to talk more with him.

9. Naty's birthday house party. I met so many wonderful people...Jose, Obama (yes, the President), and some other handsome fella that I didn't catch his name. We talked about politics, the fact that Bud Light pales in comparison to Medalla, and other unfortunate experiences. It was a lovely party, indeed. Plus getting to spend more time with Jorell, Eggie, and Myrna was needed. Wait, maybe my favorite part was when Eggie asked me to be his own personal photographer (see the photos below).

10. The After-Naty's-Birthday-Party...a follow-up at El Boricua...handsome fella and friends in tow.

11. Watching the sunrise with Eggie after the party.

12. A lazy Sunday brunch. I might have died if Magaly hadn't prepared a delightful meal of french toast and watermelon (Mildred!!!). And some awkward family portraits.

13. A Sunday sunset on the beach...where I went to shed a few tears about leaving so the roommates didn't see.

14. Sunday night...having to say goodbye to Jorell and Enrique.

15. Monday Sunrise...sitting awake in my room, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood and preparing myself for leaving.

16. Monday morning and the drive to the airport with Magaly. I'm pretty sure we talked about anything possible to avoid the current sadness. We joked, we made small talk...because neither one of us could handle having to say the goodbye. Lucky for me, I warded off the tears until I got inside. Then...the lines were so annoying with los gringos that I wasn't able to cognitively understand what was happening until I arrived at the gate.

17. The tears.

18. The airport bar in San Juan: The way gringos pronounce Medalla, Tina Turner's Private Dancer...and then the airport bar in Charlotte: Tina Turner's What's Love Got To Do With It....(there is a message here...)

19. An intense crying fest when the wheels lifted off the ground in San Juan and I watched the island drift away.

20. Art.


And here are the pictures:

Puerto Rico Summer 2011 Week 6

So, like Carlos has said, I'm Jack. I want to go back. I need to go back. The island wants me to come back. And until then, I'll have to tell all my friends and family there, "I'll see you soon, my loves." And I'll miss all of you every day, but I'll mostly miss my afternoon conversations with Magaly....well, and all those handsome men that seem a world away from me now.

Week 5: Potty Toddy, Coffee Hearts, and a Smooth Pandora Station

So, here we are. I've got 6 days left on the island. Next Monday, I return to Nashville. Then a week and a half later, classes begin again. And as if you didn't already know, I'm not overwhelmingly enthusiastic about leaving. Hell, I never am. Today, on the beach, my eyes got a little misty as I thought about that drive to the airport, the heat emanating from my sunburn, and the way my heart always sinks as the plane lifts off from the island.

But I'll be back sooner than later, because I must.

This past week has been extremely healing. I let go. I got my confidence back. I also found my groove in the most unsuspecting of places...and now, there is simply no comparison.

Here's the rundown:

1. The unrelenting disappointment of Tropical Storm Emily. Other than "some" rain and losing the power for 20 minutes, Emily left us disappointed. I had hoped to fully enjoy a traditional puertorican storm party, but Emily dragged her heels and passed right by us.

2. Learning how difficult it is to find grants for fieldwork on the island given the colony status of the island. While this might not seem like a highlight from the week, the adversity fueled my fire again. It reminded me of just how important this research is to me-- personally and politically. And it will get done, no matter what happens.

3. I had a revelation about my personal relationships. Too many times, I've been willing to overlook a partner's lack of interest in the things that are the most important to me. For example, too many times I've simply shrugged off a comment like, "Oh, I don't really care about politics and stuff like that. I'm just not really political." I'm done with it. If you don't want to help start the revolution with me, I don't plan on taking my clothes off with you.

4. My attempts to convince Jorell that the drink Hot Toddy has incredible healing powers. Unfortunately, the only result was Jorell confusing the name of the drink and henceforth referring to it as "Potty Toddy" for the rest of the week.

5. Osvaldo Budet Melendez's art show at Galeria Nacional. I've been wanting to meet Osvaldo for a few months now, ever since I helped support his documentary on the UPR student strike. Here is a link to the webpage about the documentary. Not only did I enjoy Osvaldo's art, but it was great to finally meet him in person.

6. Also at the art show, I got the chance to catch up with some friends (Maritza, Diego, and Joel), but also meet some new friends (Mari Carmen and a couple of guys I met at the bus stop). Perhaps the most fun of the night was discussions about programming people in your phone as "Higher Power" and the girl talk that took place in the street. Absolutely hilarious and wonderful.

7. Spending an afternoon at Cafe Cultura with great music and a handsome barista.

8. Saturday Brunch prepared by Enrique. There is just almost too many funny moments to convey...the Supermaxx bags, the fruit, the 5-inch thick pancakes, the whipped cream, the 3-eyed mask...and well, the fact that brunch was announced at 10:30 and was served to the table by 2:30pm. Wait, maybe I'm exaggerating...however, it was quite delightful. And it was great to spend some time getting to know Rebecca.

9. A late Saturday impromptu beach trip with Magaly and Jorell.

10. Dinner with Magaly, Jorell, Diane, and Raul.

11. Pal Cielo with Eggie, Hommy, and Dilcia. I jumped into a dance party with some folks I didn't know. I was the only one to dance to Bailando. There was dancing in the street courtesy of Enrique, Rebecca and friends...also Eggie and Hommy. Then, in my classic style, I invited Eggie to hang out inside the apartment, then proceeded to fall asleep immediately, thus leaving Eggie locked in the apartment until Jorell rescued him.

12. Magaly's new-found obsession with the song, "Damn, I wish I was your lover..."

13. Underwear pranks.

14. Getting Magaly and Jorell hooked on Weeds (yes, the show)...I really also liked it when Enrique blew the finale of the first season for them. Bad Enrique!

15. A truly Manic Monday. I finally got the chance to meet up with Marisol, a colleague from NYU studying here on the island, and her partner Jenny. I got to share a couple of beers with Joel and Cholo. And then, meeting up with Giovanni for drinks at El Refugio...and making new friends--Lourdes and Carli. It was the birthday of Lourdes and they invited Giovanni and I to join in on the celebration. There was chichaito. There was salsa dancing. There were pink flowers. We continued to celebrate into the wee hours of the morning. It was a rather wonderful Monday and a perfect way to begin my last week on the island.


Pictures:

Week 5: Puerto Rico Summer 2011